Tell Me Your Story: Of Waiting Again

From the moment Angela and Matt started dating, they knew that if they had a son, they would name him Kyle. When it came time for them to adopt, the couple posted their profile online, and shortly after posting, they received a phone call from an expectant mother. As soon as Angela heard the woman’s name, she knew it was meant to be. Her name was Kylie, and Angela knew that they had just met their miracle.

Angela and Matt stayed in touch with Kylie throughout her pregnancy and were at the hospital when she delivered. The couple brought baby Kyle home, and started the adoption conversation early by reading adoption themed children’s books and watching adoption related episodes of Sesame Street. One of Kyle’s favorite books is Tell Me Again About the Night I Was Born by Jamie Lee Curtis. For Angela, the book holds special meaning because it closely mirrors Kyle’s story. As Angela curls up with her son for a bedtime story, she adds details of how she and Matt met his birth mother, were present for his birth, and how they brought him home.

looking at kyle

Angela also helps Kyle connect with his birth family through pictures and stories. She says that Kyle comments that his birth family lives “far away”, and when he is shown pictures, he points and asks questions about each person, curious to know about his other family.  When Kyle was only two, Angela wrote a letter to Kylie and included a few pictures. Kyle helped put the letter and pictures into an envelope, as Angela explained to the curious face peering up at her who the letter was for.  A few days later, Kyle folded up a piece of paper with his tiny hands, explaining that he was going to send a letter to Kylie too! Angela says that even though he is young, Kyle displays an awareness that their family was not formed in the traditional way – he knows that he has someone special that he has a connection to.

Now that Kyle is three, Angela and Matt are ready to adopt again. But the experience is much different than the first time they adopted, and Angela sometimes doubts why someone would choose their family “when there are so many beautiful families to choose from.” The wait for a first adoption is hard, but the wait for a second adoption is even harder, especially when the adoptive parents are considering another open adoption. It’s more than just checking off the right boxes and filling in paperwork –  it’s trying to find a match with another special family.

Besides being matched, there are other obstacles with a second adoption. With two children from two different families, one family may not have the same level of openness as the other. Angela is worried that it will be difficult to explain to her children why one family has a certain level of contact while the other does not. Kyle’s birth family is a drivable distance away, but if their future child lived further away, it might become difficult to visit both families equally.

Although it’s in the back of her mind, Angela doesn’t have to worry about all of those details just yet. The family has a profile on Adoptimist, but she hasn’t told Kyle any plans for a sibling yet. Angela says, “Kyle lives in the moment because of his young age, and I am not sure that he would understand what waiting means. And I know that he would not understand the disappointment that is sometimes involved with the adoption process.” Angela and Matt find themselves patiently waiting again, but they are also treasuring each moment with their son. Angela would love to someday have a sibling for Kyle, but ultimately she is thankful for her son and grateful to be a mom.

2 Comments

  1. We are in a similar situation. We adopted our first back in 2009, and we started on a second adoption last year. The wait is discouraging, but hopefully things will work out.

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